I've been struggling with loss; really it has been a struggle with the resonance of what I perceived through my own filters. There are a number of places in my life, including relationships, where change is coming and well as occurring.
I know (this my intellect talking here) change isn't inherently "bad" but it's the number of areas being affected and the intensity with which they're resonating, that is creating much of the struggle. Thankfully, I'm finding my balance with the help of friends, walks in nature, getting enough sleep, as well as fun and play. I know I can't do this alone nor should I.
I recall when my sons' father was deployed for 13 months during 2003-2005 and how difficult it was to reach out for help----I was juggling as fast as I could, I was tired and stressed, and didn't have the down time I needed. There was also a part of me that thought I should be able to handle it all on my own. During the deployment Jim's brother and mother also died 2 months apart. I tapped into strength, competence, and abilities I didn't know I had as they were never before put to the test like those 13 months did.
My commitment this time is to reach out, accept support, and, in regards to relationships, keep my heart open even when I'm scared to be so vulnerable. There was a moment when I thought wanting to put my defenses back up again meant I was backsliding but I realized this IS what it means to live wholeheartedly, a choice we make every moment we're confronted!
I hope you too are able to see the strengths you have available to help you with the rough spots. It will also help if you increase your self-care, get enough sleep, and reach out to caring people who can and will support you. We all need and deserve it.